I know there was a time when I didn’t feel pain nearly every day, but it was long enough ago, I don’t remember what that was like. I’ve been suffering from most of the classic fibromyalgia symptoms since – according to an old blog post I recently reread – at least 2017, but I think it goes back a bit further than that. I was diagnosed with muscle spasms in 2012 after going to the urgent care center for what I thought was an earache; turns out, my trapezius was spasming so hard that its terminus behind my ear gave me a migraine. I assumed that the way to treat it was relatively simple – a heating pad or hot shower, maybe an Aleve if it got bad enough, but in 2015, the pain began to change from a generic dull muscle ache to a burning pain that was sensitive to the slightest touch (since I couldn’t exactly walk around topless all the time, this presented quite an uncomfortable problem). I was diagnosed with the first of many pinched nerves, but I have to wonder now if that was what it really was or if I was experiencing neuropathy. Over time, I developed strange symptoms that I know know are part of fibromyalgia, but they never seemed connected to each other and they didn’t occur often enough for me to feel comfortable discussing them with a doctor. The widespread pain, brain fog/fatigure, tingling in my hands, the digestive issues, trouble sleeping and sensitivity to cold and damp were things I could always explain away as other things. Upset stomach? As you age, you can’t eat all the things you used to could eat. Tired? Aren’t we all? Achy? You’re getting older, it’s probably arthritis. Cold? You always are, what else is new there? The excuses I was making for myself went on for years, but eventually it got to where I couldn’t take it anymore. On March 12th of this year, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia after a couple of years of trying to get help, though I had to have blood work done to rule out rheumatoid arthritis, which I thankfully don’t have. I went back to the doctor yesterday and was given a prescription of Cymbalta and a referral to a rheumatologist for a second opinion. I’m relieved that my – what should I call it, illness? syndrome? – whatever this is isn’t any more serious than it is, but it still feels wierd to have an issue that has no known cause and no way to cure it. Fortunately, it is painful, but not progressive, exhausting, but not life threatening, so hopefully I can have some measure of relief. It’s still difficult knowing that I have something that can affect my life and that is something people can’t see. I’ve been pushing through pain for so long now, I don’t really know how to break out of that mindset and accept that I sometimes need to just stop for a little while and recover. It’s a learning curve I’m going to have to work at flattening. My advice to my readers is this – don’t discount anything that feels weird with your body, especially if it involves pain. I’m lucky I was diagnosed with something treatable, but it might have turned out very differently. You are your own best advocate. Speak up. Ask questions. Seek second opinions. You only have one life-protect it.
Jen's Rambling Thoughts... 